By now, the game servers for Nutaku’s lewd visual novel/tank action game “Tits ’n’ Tanks will be long closed.

Whilst neither Nutaku or Hero (whom I suspect of being the developers for this version – and who also did the failed Chinese and Japanese versions) will say why exactly why the game was closed after around six months of official release,  but various things can be guessed.

1. The initial release

tits n tanks de tank pz ii

Poor old Germans…Getting a bad rap even in “Tits ’n’ Tanks” academy selection screen.

Nevertheless, while Tits ’n’ Tanks” was in its “pre-reg” phase (a sort of private-ish beta testing), the actual launch was far from smooth, with loads of server connection problems, and, what was worse, the fact that the 300-odd MB download would just stop at 99%.

This problem did actually affect people for quite a while (and took a fair few updates before it was seeming – at least -resolved), and according to various Discord posts, people did leave because of it.

2. The Gatcha

tits n tanks one of the gatcha screens

This is what one of the Gatcha screens looks like in the game.

A long-time complaint with the game (and which was never resolved), was the Gatcha system.

Aside from the un-skippable cut-scenes for each of the 4 Gatchas – and the fact that the sound volume of the videos ignores the main game sound levels, was the perceived low rate of return for anything really good.

This meant that the chances of getting any of the parts needed to improve some of the girls were extremely remote – nor was the chance for getting any of more powerful tanks any better.

Ironically though, at the end (when free diamonds were given out), the apparently rare “Churchill IV” tank was coming up extremely frequently

3. Intimacy and levelling girls up

tits n tanks a very sexy girl

This screen allows you to “interact” with her and give her gifts to improve her affection rating.

Other than that, levelling each girl required a set of items to be collected, plus money, with the cost (and item amount) increasing each time.

Another bug-bear of the game was the intimacy section, which would unlock (if it wasn’t the leader of your chosen academy), the sex scene.  This could be done with either roses or with a ring.

With rings, there was a 100% success rate, but with roses,  that was a different matter and created a lot of complaints.

tits n tanks its some item

If “Tits ’n’ Tanks” would still have been around today, then you would have seen this screen a whole lot for sure.

Furthermore, It appeared that the chance of using a rose to unlock the scene for the first time, was extremely low…And just to make matters even worse, the cost of buying a rose in the shop soon had people complaining.

So towards the end of the game, I did a quick experiment to see how many roses it would take to unlock this section of each girl.

Well, the results varied wildly, ranging from 3 or 4 roses to over 20, which would have meant people would have to spend a lot of diamonds to unlock all the scenes, which neatly leads onto “Tits ’n’ Tanks” lewd scenes.

4. The sex scenes

tits n tank -a very lewd love scene

The lewd content is pretty “meh” in “Tits ’n’ Tanks”. Furthermore, it’s still something of a mystery to me how some of the girls are able to keep their hats, crowns and whatnot on their heads while getting down and dirty like there is no tomorrow (magic perhaps? Or glue maybe?).

So, you’ve decided to get intimate with a girl, and thus get to see her sex scene. Well, is it something to look forward to?

No, not really. I mean, whilst it’s understandable that the graphics would be static, the actual pictures were just about okay, and did seem to drawn by different people.

What was worse though, the dialogue was (with the possible exception on Von Aurelia), completely out of character for the girls, with all of them being highly aggressive over what they wanted…It was also a darn shame that there was no voice acting for this section as well.

5. Game modes

tits n tanks flag capture

Other than winning through capturing flags, you could also win by destroying 20 tanks.

Whilst the basic online game modes worked, the Ranked Matches never did (despite being able to get into the menu – you could just never start a game), and the Coin Mode was only available two times a day.

The available modes (Deathmatch and Flag Capture) were a seemingly random choice which was also a shame.

tits n tanks a tank battle

Outside the single player mode, games take place on chess boards and pool tables for some reason.

6. Game play

tits n tanks the single player mode

Here’s an example of what “Tits ’n’ Tanks” single-player mode looks like in-action.

On the whole, the gameplay itself was good, and given enough time, could have been great.

Whilst it took a while to get used to controlling your tank with two different areas of  your device, it did work well – everything was responsive, and for a mobile game, generally looked okay.

The main problems concerned your AI opponents (which were, for most of the time unfortunately, the only thing you ever fought against), and were incredibly stupid with the annoying tendency to be able to shoot through solid objects.

tits n tanks tanks vs tanks

“Tits ’n’ Tanks” would have been a whole lot more fun if you could play against human players.

The on-screen radar was also inaccurate for a few maps as well (not that there was any real use for it…).

The single-player mode was fun, but had one major problem: some tanks would only appear if you drive to a certain part of the map, which, as you were playing against a time limit, and that was very annoying.

7. The visual novel part

tits n tanks its some hot chick

“Tits ’n’ Tanks” characters and dialogs left a lot to desire…

Again, the graphics for the visual novel part were good, with nice use of Live2D. Again, it would have been nice to have it fully voiced, but it was acceptable without it.

However, the translation into English left much to be desired, and overall the story was confusing and complicated.

For example, who were the SSS? Why is there an automated security system protecting the Archive Department? Why was one girl experimented on, and had her memories erased?

And unfortunately, just like in the original version, all of this left the story on a cliffhanger.

8. The eSports Championship

tits n tanks the esports championship

This is what the game’s mode selection screen looks like.

Whilst the competition was fun, it started a day later than stated due to the developers being unable to produce a version that was required for the competition.

So whether or not Nutuka had problems with them before is unknown, but it’s quite possible this particular problem brought things to a head.

Simply put, in overall, given a longer run to fix the remaining problems, it could have been popular for lewd gamers.

tits n tanks the girls from the akita academy

Say hello to the girls from the Akita Academy.

However, it did appear that the developers seemed to have bitten off more than they could chew with this game.

So whether or not they were capable of working on it, or whether it wasn’t really a priority, will never be known.


However, it did appear that there was a definite lack of interest in making the game really great.

That’s also why I suspect Gamebau (another publisher involved in Tit’n’Tanks) were also a bit exasperated by the situation as well..Although they did try their best to get things fixed (and not really having much success either).

tits n tanks tons of hot babes

Think and say what you want about “Tits ’n’ Tanks” , but the game’s visuals and art style are very beautiful and well-done.

You know, this is probably the one time where converting a game to have lewd content actually made a game worse – removing that would have allowed the game to be placed on the Play Store which would gained more interest.

It’s also a shame that a native PC version was never done (being written with Unity would have made things simple), so more potential “customers” were lost there too.

tits n tanks tons of hot tank babes

I don’t know why, but this particular picture made me think about a mix of “Tank girl”, “Dominion tank police” and “Girls und Panzer”.

Even so though,  “Tits ’n’ Tanks” was still an enjoyable game, and it was nice to be able to unlock all the girls at end. With good graphics, great music and pretty good gameplay, so TNT should have done a lot better than it did with no doubt.

So hopefully something similar to this adult version of “Girls und Panzer” will come out, and be given the care and dedication it deserves.

Well, time will tell. And with that said, what’s your take on this matter?

Let us know your thoughts in the comment section down below!

Credit:
Robin Ek – Editor

***Disclaimer***
This is a personal opinion of the writer, and it doesn’t necessarily represent the other writers (nor The Gaming Ground´s) opinions.

tgg author avatar Nicholas Kingsley
Nicholas Kingsley
The Gaming Ground
Twitter: @sku_te

More by Nicholas Kingsley:

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