Now, don’t get me wrong, because I really, REALLY do want to like Ridley Scott’s “Alien: Covenant”...But I just can’t, because it just can’t be done! And please allow me to tell you exactly why that’s the case (while at it, don’t miss out on my “Prometheus” Blu-ray movie review!).

alien covenant the crew

“Alien: Covenant” takes place in the year 2104 (which is eleven years after the Prometheus expedition), and its viewers get to follow the colonization ship Covenant and it’s crew (who are stupid, naive, and illogical as hell 24/7) on their space adventure to a planet called “Origae-6” (yes, you guessed it, something goes very “wrong” along the way…).

Well, for starter, even though I avoided all sorts of movie spoilers and reviews (which I do most of the time), I should have known what I had coming since the “Alien: Covenant” trailers didn’t get me excited nor thrilled at all about the movies upcoming movie release.

alien covenant the covenant ship

The covenant ship is a colonization ship that carries 2,000 colonists in stasis and 1,140 human embryos in cold storage. Well, what could possibly go wrong when you gamble with the lives of everyone on-board of that ship just because you pick-up some distant signal from a planet which you have never been to be for? Just about everything and more…

Sadly enough, the trailers very much reflected the final production in a negative light as a whole. So I’m going to try my very best to break-down and unfold this mess of a movie without spoiling the flick for anyone who might not have seen it yet.

alien covenant daniels and tennessee

Daniels and Tennessee are two of the very rare human characters in “Alien: Covenant” that’s not 100% stupid and action-paralyzed, because they do actually try to do something in order to save themselves and their ship.

Well…How should I put it, even though “Alien: Covenant” got a rather impressing roster of rather well-known names in the movie industry (names such as Ridley Scott, David Giler, Mark Huffam, Michael Schaefer, Michael Fassbender, Danny McBride, Katherine Waterston, with many more), “Alien: Covenant” falls short throughout the movie and leaves a lot to be desired.

alien covenant the lander ship

Just like in the case with “Prometheus” (even though “Alien: Covenant” takes place 11-years after the events in “Prometheus”), the crew’s weapons are pure garbage, the ships are not weapon-mounted, and the crew is as useful as they are stupid and defenseless.

And since I’m a man of my word, I’m not going to spoil anything. So let me just put it this way, the very start of the movie (when things are starting to happen/when the sh** hits the fan) was/are sooooo bad that I honestly thought at first that it was some alternative intro that was removed from the final edition of the movie that I had played up by mistake.

alien covenant some stupid humans who are just about to die

When you see this scene in”Alien: Covenant”, then you will either cry, laugh, or do both. Why? Because the whole chain of events that follows shortly after is nothing less than pure comedy-like in terms of who stupid a person can be (you would most likely be better off with a crew that consists of either hamsters or monkies…).

However, that was not the case…Then it was just a downward spiral from there. As a matter of fact, for the most part, I and my dad (we watched the movie together as a father and son kind of thing) laughed plenty of times throughout the movie simply because of how incredibly bad and cheesy “Alien: Covenant” is

And I’ll have you know that I’m not even exaggerating either, because every single person in the movie (besides Michael Fassbender’s David/Walter character) is stupid as a brick.

alien covenant here comes the pain

There will be a lot of deaths and death-scenes such as this one in “Alien: Covenant”, and 99% of these casualties were 100% self-inflicted due to the pure stupidity, child-like naivety, and illogicy of the Covenant crew.

I mean, the whole crew from the Covenant (it’s a space colonization ship) is like a bunch of naive children in full-grown bodies, where one staff member is more stupid and naive than the other…

Hell, at the very end of “Alien: Covenant” I even half-joked to my dad that “Alien: Covenant” should be renamed “Swedes lost in space”, because that’s how stupid all the humans are in the movie.

alien covenant a xenomorph

The movie is called “Alien: Covenant”, even so, “Alien: Covenant” has very little to do with the alien (xenomorph) at all…And just to make matters worse, the AC movie more or less messes up the while Alien universe as it collides with the Alien timeline and the part that concerns who the xenomorph came to be (as in being created by the engineers Vs David creating them).

I’m not even joking either, because “Alien: Covenant” might as well have been a comedy/horror/sci-fi flick for all I know, because you more or less lose brain cells by watching the movie…

I was honestly thinking about just giving “Alien: Covenant” a 1/5 grade at first, but Michael Fassbender saves the movie from being a total disaster of a flick. So, let me just wrap this movie review of mine with the following words:

If you thought that “Prometheus” was stupid, illogical, and on the tipping point of being half-bad and pure idiocy, then “Alien: Covenant” is all that but much worse

alien covenant david and walter

The synthetic android David and Walter (both are played by XXX) are two of the very few characters in the whole movie that’s interesting and rememberable (without David and Walter, “Alien: Covenant” isn’t even worth watching at all).

In other words, you won’t cry yourself to bed just because you haven’t watched “Alien: Covenant” , as the movie just barely even passes my “watch worthy” movie standards.

Pros:
+ Michael Fassbender as David/Walter.
+ The soundtrack is pretty darn good I have to say.
+ The visuals are rather stunning.
+ You get to laugh at how bad the movie is and how stupid the humans are in the movie.

Cons:
– The script is very, VERY poorly written and executed.
– A very stupid, naive, and illogical movie as a whole.
– Pretty much no interesting characters (whatsoever) besides David/Walter.
– The start and end of the movie might just be some of the worst scenes that I’ve ever seen in a movie of this caliber ever.
– I thought that the engineers were supposed to be smart and superior?

Actors: 2/5
Story: 1.5/5
Sound/music: 3/5
Effects: 4/5
Viewing value: 2/5

tgg grade 2.5 out of 5

Verdict: 2.5/5
“Alien: Covenant” is like the much dumber, illogical, and poorly made version of “Prometheus”. So if you didn’t even like “Prometheus”, then stay clear of “Alien: Covenant” since it’s with no doubt THE worst “Alien” title to date (yes, it’s even worse than “Alien 3”), there are also much better old and new horror/sci-fi/action movies which you could watch instead.

Title: Alien: Covenant
Genre: Horror/Sci-fi/Action
Format: Blu-Ray
Movie length: Two-hours and four minutes.
Price: 9,99 pounds + the shipment cost via Amazon.co.uk
Producer: David Giler, Walter Hill, Ridley Scott, Mark Huffam, Michael Schaefer
Director: Ridley Scott
Release date: 2017-05-19
Average grade internationally: 6.4/10 imdb.com
PEGI age rating: +17
Movie stars: Michael Fassbender

tgg author avatar robin ek
Robin “V-Act” Ek
Editor in chief
The Gaming Ground
Twitter: @TheGamingGround

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